Premature
I am torn into little pieces,
feel broken at my core.
I am so frightened
of being nothing
so frightened
of being no-one;
of my dreams evaporating
and my life never beginning.
How do you heal
when your whole being
wants to just give up?
How do you forgive yourself
for feeling such a failure;
for spending another year
waiting for magic
that may never come.
Blue eyes
I wish I'd never believed you when you said forever.
I wish I hadn't held on so tight.
I wish I'd realised that things would be different
I wish I knew how to make it right.
I wish I knew how to cope with this
I wish I knew how to stop my tears
I wish I could tell you that I will be alright
I wish there was some way to quell my fears.
I'd wish that this had never happened
but that would wish you away, too
and if I lost the last 4 years
I wouldn't have known the love we knew.
I wish my heart would stop breaking
I wish that this could be easier for you
I wish to be a stronger person
I wish for something to pull me through.
All on board
The gates will call
the bell will ring
the people will file through, one by one.
They'll hand their papers
Get onto the machine
Sit and press buttons, consume and close eyes
ask their questions incessantly.
I will sit quietly
nervous and anxious
until I know you will be waiting there.
And when the plane lands
I won't stop the tears, I can't:
just like I can't stop them now.
I am coming
108 days from now
I am following you to your place
I am hoping
to bring your heart home.
Dateline
He says
(very matter-of-fact)
that he would follow her
to the ends of the earth.
His time was worth it.
She loved him, she gave herself
and he took
despite the cost.
This is it:
You're what I feel.
I know
(like I know my faith)
that I will follow you
to the ends of the earth.
Will you lead?
Never my proud
Trapped in this circle
of who leaves who next
I wonder whether we'll ever
truly get off of the ground.
I see her, already:
beautiful and confident
yet down to earth enough for you;
a fan of all the things I'm not.
But my position is shifty
I did this to you, I know
but now I see how
being left is so much harder than leaving.
It's so easy
thousands of miles away
to let someone take my place.
And
I can't go with you
I can't be with you
But I will love you
Even if you stop.
I don't want anyone else.
Oct 1st 2004
Time to go.
No apologies,
no tears.
I promised.
Be the best you can be
learn all you can
live all you can.
And when you get back
I'll still be here
waiting
to love you
embrace you
keep you.
Heartsong
In the haze
in the smoke
I see you walking.
a million lies
at once
flood my mind.
so many things to say;
so much left unspoken
too many tears
to come and go.
and if keep walking this way
where will I end up?
seems that all is well for you
but you can't see my dark..
such a stranger
yet so true
too many changes
people and places
how do I follow you?
Love Poem
I like how your words soften my frowns
how our "I love you" has been changed:
to just 'love'
how you still call me baby sometimes
and laugh at my puns.
I like how I'm living each day as it goes
and taking your words to my heart
how you spend a few hours talking to me
and uploading me files
when time is money
and money is yen
and yen to dollar is rough.
I like how I have let myself be calm
and accept things as they come;
how dreams of you help my day
and I am not scared to smile.
I hope still
and grasp at possibilities
but will wait
for my path to unravel
and hopefully
hopefully
fall at your feet.