I've been writing poetry a long time now and what's below is my favourite poems taken from all the old sets on this site - not all of the sets. I haven't had the chance to do that yet!
Soon (when i get round to it), you'll be able to go here and click on the poem title that you wanna know about on the list and read a short explanation/background of the poem. At the moment, you can't, really. :)

From the set "As i fall to bruise":

-girl-

Underneath the covers
skin to skin
not even thinking
of what's within

another object
a pretty face
giving of herself
to keep her place

Then discarded
skin beat to blue
as what she thought was love
disappeared too

sitting amongst the rubble
of what used to be her world
she slowly started to piece together
her life
as her own girl.


-rise to breathe- pt 1

brisk
blue
changes
loves
falling sparkles
as i rise to breathe
spinning
wonder
callous
jesus
murder
as i fall back to bruise
lies
driven
heat
sex
loss
pick up your pieces.

From the set "I trust that little voice":

-see through the lie-

I wish they could grasp it
i wish they could see through my tangled life
(through my confusing ways)
to what's within.

don't you get what's eating me?
eating me from the insides
(until i'm nothing)
torn from the heart out
when i thought i had no tears left..

i wish i could..
i wish i..
i claw at the dirt beneath my feet
i can't get anywhere
can't dig my way to china
though some days..
some days..

i wish i could.


-little devil-

I trust what i can't see
what i can't understand
what i don't even think i know

i trust that little voice
who speaks to me in whispers
as it dances around my head
and plays with my thoughts

i trust those feelings of weakness
of dizziness
of pure adrenalin
that i get
that i could live off if i tried

if i tried.

From the set "Waiting for the tide to go out":

-queen of hearts-

Pick a card
Ha ha! you got me
(or rather, i wanted you)
are you ready for me now?

let this queen of hearts
get your mind and desires
all caught in a tangle.

It's not safe, you know
i'm unfamiliar territory
there are sharks in my waters
and they bite anything they fear.

So am i really scared of you?
or is your uncertainty just contagious
if this ain't love then it must be lust
cause i can't imagine not having you around.


don't slip, now-

Careful
don't come too close
or i'll melt into a puddle and you'll slip.

Careful
don't smile at me
i might go nuts with desire
and i'd have to walk away.

And careful
with your choice of words
because some kind of wave is washing over me
and i'm waiting for the tide to go out.

From the set "Lead to the point (a strange little trio):

-heart on a leash-

Bryan prayed and talked to faded photographs
as he wondered what he'd done wrong
discarded like some old furniture
he turned to them for some way out

Elise walked along a dark and dirty street
surrounded by her black-clothed cronies
broke one girl's arm
and another guy's jaw
before slipping under her bedcovers.

Gutted and breathless
with her heart on a leash
Katie did what she thought she should do
terrified of losing the only one she thought cared
thinking she was being loved
she leaned down to him to make her final move

Changed
we've all changed
some for better
some for worse
but as we were lead to the point of shattering into icicles
we crossed each others' paths
clashes
friendships
but nothing stays the same.

From the set "My light would die out":

-just in time-

You caught me
just in time
I'm about to drown, you know
drown in my own blood

bleeding from the gash you've made in my upper abdomen
where i think my heart used to be
though i'm not quite sure anymore
'cause i can't feel
too many arrows shooting at me from all directions.

Go away. Leave. God, i need to figure out everything i'm feeling.

Just leave me here in my blood pool.

From the set "The one I get to hold":

-analyse this-

If you look into my sunken eyes
and climb into my cold pale skin
you'll understand me more.

if you listen to them
if you watch me cry
if you understand my situation
you'll understand me more.

If you get the chance to hold me
if you see me break down over a song
if you know my impatience
you'll understand me more.

When i think of what might have been
when i ponder what might have been
when i realise how much i love you

i understand me more.


-wounded-

Let your thoughts swim.
Bite back.
Tell me how I make you feel
and watch me bite my lip.
I won't let you see how wounded I am.

Good day.
Nice christmas.
Give me some weird sign
and then talk about the weather.
I won't let you see how wounded I am.

Aphrodesia.
Surely misread.
So tucked away in a drawer
Giving you only one candle to light.
I won't let you see how wounded I could be.

From the set "Too much at stake":

-king of pain-

He had his throne
He had his power
and a smile slowly crept across his lips.

He brought the ladies before his court
before he sacrificed them to the dragon.
Usually young
usually naive
trusting him to protect them forever.

Whispered words
that come in threes
were breathed into their ears from his lips
and gentle fingers brushed their shoulders;
stroked their hair and cheeks.

He took them under his wing
fulfilled his desires
then sent them away to play with the dream king.

Sometimes he couldn't control his anger.
So sometimes he didn't quite treat his maidens as he should.

Some of them escaped.
With only bruises and scars to show his reign of fear.
And though his power gave him pleasure
it gave him no popularity.

"King over what?" they said, "Apart from the innocence of young girls?"

Young himself...
yet strong and selfish.
He'll learn..
he'll learn.

Or he'll get killed.

Either way...
i escaped.

From the set "Sweet and totally incapable of harm":

-dream-

I kissed your cheek, your neck
before i realised what i'd done
you said you needed time to think
and kept your distance
clock ticking.. 2 minutes later
you smiled and laughed at me
and said "I don't have to deny what that made me feel...

but i will."

I thought i was over you.
get out of my dreams.

From the set "The ice maiden is going now":

-mirror-

I know that's me in the looking glass
but i've looked at this face so long now
that it's now just a shape.
And i'm just some arms, just some legs, just some fuzzy figure.

Yet if i look closer..
i see what i'm feeling
and i see how i have little orange sparks in my eyes.

I need sleep.
I'm too young for these dark rings.

I think i should go do something else.
Or i'll find too many faults.


-saturday night-

Another night.
I step back; close my eyes.
Things may have changed
but the sound of the rain seems the same.
I'm cold and i can't
see through my hair
to the street
but i
hear the cars
smell the smoke
and feel the ground steady beneath my feet.
For a second, anyway.

I can feel the cold water going down my collar now
and all the hairs on my arms tingle.
I shiver.
I fall back.
The grass is colder than the air.
I should go home now.

Before i get sick again.

From the set "I must cling to what I believe in":

-fail, abort, retry?-

Words fail me
when it comes to confessing
any unknown hurt you may have caused me

Words fail me
when it comes to telling you
that i need you

And words fail me
when it comes to explaining
that i just don't know how to say it.


-friday-

Friday night frightened me
when things that should have gone unsaid
(for now)
came tumbling down my tongue
and lingered by your ears

Yet

Friday night showed me
what a wonderful friend you are
and just how shocking i can be;
how crazy i can get

And

Friday night made me
understand how bad i've been feeling
how much i've kept inside
and how much you mean to me.

But

After all that was said
after all that was done
i'm moving things on now
and what remains is so much better.


-rise to breathe- pt 2

Brisk (our meetings lately, icy like wellington wind)
Blue (seems the sky matches my mood)
changes (so many, too much to handle)
loves (many past, many present, many friends)
falling sparkles (as each girl tumbles)
as i rise to breathe (coming out of the deep)
spinning (through the universe it seems)
wonder (at all the beauty in life around me)
callous (words, little meaning)
jesus (is he still around?)
murder (with the victim being my fear of you)
as i fall back to bruise (slipping again)
lies (i'm sick of them, so sick)
driven (to the point of insanity)
heat (so much between us)
sex (next topic please?)
loss (of hope, of energy)
pick up your pieces (how could you leave me like this).

From the set "Irreplaceable people":

-debbie-

I love you so much
sometimes realising it
totally overwhelms me.

I need you so much
sometimes being apart from you
for an hour; a day
makes me feel even more need to be near.

And yet you live your days
totally oblivious to the fact
that you are one of most amazing and important
people in my life.

You have always been there
you have always put me before yourself
and you have always tried your absolute best
to make sure i know your love.

I know your love, Debbie.
Cause everyday it continues to blow me away.


-chris-

Well, my sweet.
Look how far we've come.

Through obstacles of the worst kind
shocking moments
questions with no answers
strange icq conversations
tears
hugs
borrowed CDs
owed money!
and many cellphone messages later
you discovered what kind of person i am.
And i discovered what a wonderful person you are.

They say every person you meet in your life
changes you in a way
for the better
or the worse.

And they say the important friendships
are always the most unexpected.

What a different view of life i now have.
And what strength you gave me.
Most times without even knowing you were.

"Who could ever say you're not simply wonderful?"

Chris, thanks for always being there to run to.


-my angel-

I must confess
that to me it seems
that God Himself decided i needed
an angel
so he picked his most beautiful,
perfect, one
and sent her down to be my friend.

Slowly, she sat,
unravelling the wire that entraps my heart
and carefully, lovingly, removing each dagger that has pierced my hopes;
setting my dreams free to fly.

Then, as though she had not already done enough,
she gently took me in her arms
and held me until all the pain
melted away with the tears.

And yet, she still dwells down here with me,
her long arms protecting and comforting me
whenever i am aching,
her graceful hands removing my tears whenever i must cry
and her pretty face smiling
even when it hurts too much for her.

My angel standing by i hope will never leave me,
as her faith in me is what lifts me to the sky.

I can do anything
as long as i remember
i have my angel here,
my best friend,
my Tash.


-brother- (#2)

I'd like to take your heart
take your soul
take your everything
and slice it open
to let the light shine out
onto your face.

a light that's helped me through the bad times
a light that's been there glowing through the good

and i would take this light
and put it in your hands
and say, "brother, my love,
this is what you are in my life.
my light."
and then i would put it back
to glow where it once did
in your heart
in your soul
in your everything.

a man who's loved me for all that i am
a man who will never understand
how much i need him.

From the set "The coming crisis":

-prelude to the crisis-

Haze
mixed with a foreboding sense of doom
what if this is as good as it gets?
what will happen with your Aphrodite; i pray that you won't start a war.
For this is only the prelude to the crisis, my sweet friend
and what i see in you
is not what the others do
but my perception may be clouded
by these rose-coloured glasses
even against such odds, the dream continues
if only i could express...
are you planning my demise?
i wouldn't have thought you as one for revenge
despite all that's said and done
here we are; we still remain
and there is so much for you to learn
but don't get the messages mixed
cause that would mean the end of us
and that would mean my downfall.
I love you. Keep safe.


-game over-

I predicted this coming crisis
as the others foretold a war
though i still feel safe here,
the arrows are flying around me
will you help me win this fight?

I feel like i'm walking alone on the field;
that the army are off in the other direction
and my other loyal followers are so far off
fighting their own battles.

I must make my own prediction
and act accordingly
and i see no positive ending to this duel
so maybe i should just walk away.

I've gathered some wounds
to show my efforts
and though i forfeit the fight
i can say i tried.

And though the neutral soldiers were there with me
they just didn't choose to see i needed help.

From the set "Adelaide":

-running-

So much time it has taken; so many days of conversation
but now I will step off a plane to you
and I know that no matter what
I will instantly love you; adore you,
enjoy every moment with you
because I have known you so long, you love me that much
and because we have learned each other’s ways inside and out.
These next 12 days of bliss are going to be perfect
and after all this time
a few more hours of flight
I can bear
because tomorrow morning
I will come down a walkway
and start running
to you.


-leaving-

I could stay like this forever
held safely in your arms
i don't think anything else
could make me feel
more loved and special

i listen to your breathing
and feel your chest rise and fall
and i remember that i won't
have this moment forever
so i cherish it
and try not to cry too loud

i won't let you hear me.

this will be forever locked
in my mind as
that feeling
of
complete
happiness.

Funny to think that
and yet cry as i write it down.

But my tears
are not only of pain
but of joy.
i'll miss you
but i know
i will always
have you there.
So, for now
i cuddle down
squeeze you tight

and kiss your cheek.

i am in your secure arms
for this
perfect
moment.

From the set "You will read between the lines":

-guinea pig-

I thought i was ready to see you moved on
i was wrong
i was so wrong.

i must confess
that even though i thought
it was so goddamn easy
i'll never stop loving you.

was there a shotgun to your back
when you told me you'd always love me?
was there a knife to your throat
when you said i was the one for you?

when you said i was wonderful
beautiful
and the person who restored your faith in humanity
the person you were waiting for..
were you just testing the waters
before you told them to the one
who was not so confused
used
abused;
whose ears deserved to be told?


-flying-

Where is the ground?
my feet no longer touch
the earth below
yet yearn for the sky
i am flying
on a gust of hot, fearless air
as i spiral upwards
away from you
yet with you
you feel so far away
i need you to hold me
so close
and tell me of all your wildest dreams
so we can share
them together.


-flatline-

The line is torn
and silence is all around us
neither of us is trying to repair it.
Undoubtedly
you will read between the lines
and sense this dark feeling i have in my stomach.
Too much has been lost; hurt
and not a lot found.
Why did we have to go this way?
Who will take the step?
Yes, this one is yours
so don't ask
just decide whether you want me to be honest or not.
Be honest to yourself, too.


-your first step-

Expensive trust
held in a youthful gaze
when taking one's first step,
tread lightly.

I am still nervous
but my hands are steady
and i do trust you.
Will you believe
in the power of mutual love?

What is life without risks
(after all, all we have is now)

i write the words
for the one in the self-locked cage
the lock cannot be picked
and there is only one key

What is life without risks
(after all, all we have is now)

i take this moment now
to leave
but before i go
to touch your face..

There is no rhythm
nor structure
to this prose
just thoughts of you.

Pointless dreaming.


-invisible lust-

I feel so suddenly sick
and my stomach hurts
my throat is choked
and my heart is wrapped in barb-wire

pull me out
pull me up
I'm lost in this love

is it right to hate her?
Is it right to feel so discarded?
I can't help but want to be her
when I know
so
so
deep
in
my
heart
that he secretly hates me

I think I'll leave him today
why talk when he's not listening
and though it will break me to lose him
it's probably for the best.


-the dance-

Caught between a sentence and silence
a hand lingers in the air
don't think, just feel
words are flowing out
and in vain i try to catch them
breathe deep,
don't weep
catch his eye again.

Placing trust in gentle hands
beauty unconditional, yet unexplained
don't think, just feel
twirling satin with locked eyes
the gaze cannot be shaken
breathe deep,
don't weep
just dance in his eyes.

From the set "Rehabilitation of my nerves":

-continual drop-

I thought
stepping out
was such a noble choice

i spoke not a word
but sat
in silence
hoping you wouldn't smile my way
i don't -want- to love you
it's too much pain
standing here in the dark

but today
you shone a light my way
and took interest
in my world

and
i
fell
again


-buoy-

Just simply by chance
we discovered
that we're swimming in the same pool
and i give you my word
that i won't let you drown.

Waves threaten to break you
the sky is preparing to fall
but i give you my word
i will not let anyone defeat you.

My want
for your happiness
is far
far
too great.

From the set "Trio of loss":

-a story-

Let me describe a girl
the girl who once loved a little girl
a little girl that once had an angel.

Time can be so cruel
yet so can the aching head and heart
when fatigue settles in around your brain.

The girl was always there
her beautiful hands holding the little girl's
to pull her through the cold, wet night; through the suffering

The girl never faltered
to help her find her way again.

The girl chose to love the little girl; she chose not to reject that love
she let her tears fall onto the little one's shoulder
she let her pain enter her heart.

The girl trusted the little one's faith in life
she trusted the little one's faith in her
and she let the little girl guide her
through her ups and downs
losses and gains.

Her soft arms held the small girl close
whenever tears fell down her cheeks
her sweet voice let her know that her love would never die.

But one day it had to.
She told the little girl
that things would have to end.

The little girl let all the knowledge
that the girl had given her
fill her up
and she swelled with pride; she was so proud to have known
and be loved
by the girl.
They said their goodbyes.

Then the little girl
sat down
and wrote a poem
about her lost love
and felt complete
and gifted.

She held her head up high
and looked up above into the clouds
as the rain fell upon her.
And instead of letting it wet her hopes; drown her happiness
she let it wash away all her pain.


-questions-

Why can't i live
within you.

Take my faith
take my love
take my pain
dammit, take everything from me and let me be nothing.

Why should i try to be anything
if i am not one of two.

Love is so cruel
just when you feel it fully
you realise its end is near.

I hate this
i hate this
i HATE this!
I hate myself for letting it get me down.

I know i have to leave
i know you hate talking about it
but it's my way of coping.

Why won't you let these words
leave me?

Why won't you let me push this problem
with its pain
out onto the talking sea?

Don't let me cry
don't let these tears fall
oh just make it stop
make it stop

MAKE IT STOP.

Why
can't
i
live
within
you.

From the set "Joy luck":

-losing the case-

Killed by her own thoughts
Leaving behind all her good intentions
Hands swimming frantically
Between the slippery silks
Have we forgotten what it feels to love?

Unspeakable tragedies
Recognising the numbness in their faces
With one sweeping rhythm
Beat in time to your heart's regret

A room filled with leftovers
All loss mixes together
In one fluid motion
They become what they fear
How quickly things lose their beauty

Everyone looks down on someone else
Everyone's head aches with despair
Are you no longer hungry for what you want;
For the girl who loves you?


-search for pieces-

We come back out
like new-born kittens
scratching for the sky
Surrounded by searching hopefuls

Pheromones calling out through the fog
Best silverware on hong mu tables
Honeyed smiles for those who breathe it all in.


-gold-

Usual time
usual place
"Unravel me," i beg;
my knees are bleeding
don't make me disappoint them
my confusion might just win.

i feel
chained to a relationship
by gold
i don't know whether
this is right or wrong
it hurts too much to feel
and i won't even
try
to think.

please
don't let me sink

when you're so close.


-all her impurities-

When will I learn
that I cannot control
everything
fake confidence
misused
why do we only see the surface?
impurities are not just skin-deep.
You may think
this has something to do with you
and your lost boyfriend
with the forgotten ideals.
You're lost, too.
The contrast here
is beyond saving
with faith floating further away
carrying my lesser being
away
on the wind.
Your smug compliments
and obvious gain
aren't as perfect
and pure
as you make them out to be..
can't you read the list of beauties
he's left crying in the gutter?
can't you read these eyes
that are so confused; so concerned
over your heart that's destined to break?
can't you read this face;
this mouth
is dying to tell the world
about the girl
who is dying; flying
so disturbed
so lost living this life
denied
wasted
with all her impurities.

From the set "All those inner demons":

-cut-

It is done
and not a breath leaves
the barren body.

Gathering, enveloping
herself
in all her brokenness
she stumbles, searches
for how to kill the threatening dragon

she wants to rest her mind
she wants to heal her body

she pushes her hand
into an invisible body of air
as if to release
all her thoughts and emotions
so her mind can be free

she can't use the words
she can't tell of her dissensions
she needs a way
to prepare for her
ominous
end.


-demons-

Settling for 2nd best
thrown to the floor
big dreams only meant for some
not some forgotten whore

chances taken in darkness
her choices built her prison
though if given the time again
there'd be a much different decision

and though you think
this lost girl
is someone to be condemned
for carelessness
lies
and debauchery which is making her end

she is a part of you
and lives in you
and is not to be discarded
and not unlike
those forgotten few
the ones that they have martyred.


-the green room-

Pound, pound, pound.
conversations in circles
squeaking sneakers
my head is aching
from all the metal
this leather restrains me.
pound, pound, pound.
silent page-turning
clicking heels
but there's no way home.
pound, pound pound.
i've been given too much free time,
too much time to waste thinking
of all the lies that betrayed you.


-no order-

Sometimes i think
if i push hard enough
it'll rip
i'll bleed
and i'll taste all my brokenness

angst gives way to loss
the punishment
fearing contact with the air
over-exposure is not the key
sing songs of solitude in my head.

aren't you impressed with the sky tonight?
see the purple clouds
tumble
maybe it'll rain happiness

i stand
amongst your cool complexity
and hope i don't drown in your beauty
with my back to the ice,
i am nothing to the beautiful stranger
yet loved by the one
whose feelings seem padlocked deep inside.

am i gambling away my heart?
God please don't let me hurt him
i am swimming in your wake
this confusion you send me
through sugar-coated vibes
even cindi lauper understands me better
than i ever will.


-victim- pt 1

It's hard touching a rose
when you only feel the thorns
it's like loving the devil
'cause you refuse to see his horns
and the man you thought
was your gravity
sinks beneath the waves

it's hard writing a story
when the end is bittersweet
it's like chasing a dream
then admitting defeat
and the light that used to shine
bright in your heart
dims to feed the hunger

No matter what you do
no matter what you say
i'm no longer your victim;
a dream you can betray
as long as the night
and as cruel as this fear
those words
i will not hear.

-closing the door-

Let me cry
it's such a beautiful release
i am leaving this prison
after years of waiting and hoping to be free.

Nearly 5 Januarys; then i will be nearly able to put it away.

But
your face has been firmly and harshly
slashed
and etched
into my inner eyelids
and the way you scarred me
i will never
ever
forget.

From the set "Bars and lies":

-bars and lies-

Run, little girl.
Run as fast as you can.
The danger's behind you
and closing in fast.
Run.
Run til your chest hurts;
until he can't touch you anymore.
Never look back.
I will shelter you in these walls
i will save you from that prison.
Run from the house that fear built
run from him
i will be waiting for you here.

From the set "You":

-you-

I can't believe i'm here
i can't believe
that after all that's happened
i still manage
to confuse myself
beyond saving.

Why do i constantly dive into this?

I am still waiting.
I am still here.
And though you believe i love him
he is not
and will never be

you.

From the set "In the darkness of my thoughts":

-deluge-

I learned tonight
that there's no point
going to wash off your makeup
when you've
cried
it
all
away.


-trying-

I wish i could answer
this question of yours
but the cold hand of truth
lays down the law
the faceless entities
surround my limbs
and i feel like i'm chained
so
tight
tight
to the wall.

I want to breathe you in
i want to live this lie

but instead
i die.
without you.


-descent-

As she sits
in the darkness of her own thoughts
sand falls through the hourglass
counting down
she starts to fall
her fingernails scratching against the walls
trying to get a grip; a hold
"stop! please, let me rise!"
she is unheard
indentations
scrapes
where she's tried to keep afloat
she lands; bruised and broken
"you've ruined me
you've taken away all my dignity"
her screams echo through it all
as she lies in a crumpled
ruined
heap
on the floor.


-influences-

Within these walls
i sit, unafraid
of what sits outside in the world

within these walls
i can sing, i can dance
i can be whoever my imagination dares

within these walls
i am untouched, out of danger
except for the danger that my heart
continues to lead me into.
today i am not broken.

today i am NOT broken.

But tomorrow
within these walls
i may be curled up
clutching linen between fingers
head buried in the tear-stained sheets.

It depends on you.

From the set "Love is not a choice":

-dandan-

My hand has lost all circulation
from trying to stop your shake
but i don't mind.
in fact, grip tighter
so i still know you're alive.

too frail; parkinsons and asthma take their grip
i watch each breath with a fear that aches beneath my breast.

would you really die
and just leave me behind?

i count each smile
each look
and my ears bend
like daffodils in the sun;
i have to hear every word
so after you go, i can run it through my head 1000 times.
So after you leave me, i won't forget your voice

and so that after you leave me
i can think real, real hard
and maybe it'll seem
like you haven't left at all.


-tearing the edge-

it's not right, but please stay
it's not going to stop
no matter how hard we try.

but we still try.

"you got what you want, now you can hardly stand it."

do we dream these dreams to bring life into our days?
do we hope to catch falling stars; do we hope for love to envelop us in its warmth?
we try to get by with what's here
but don't our minds lean over the edge to the greener grass, the beautiful skies of blue?

this cannot be as good as it gets.

for me, it will be better.
for you, it will be better.
for us, it will be better.

i promise.


-short stay unit-

I have seen too much of hospitals lately.
their cool, white walls
calm and soothing
while cries of babies
and moans of the wounded
echo around me.

this time it is not me in a bed
yet my mother who lies before me
clutching her lower stomach
as if letting go would be her last move.

my grandfather was here last week
myself 2 weeks before
yet being here never gets any easier.

my grandfather is home
my mother will be fine; probably out tomorrow
(as soon as they know what's wrong)

yet i know that i
will always be a recurring visitor to this place,
this cool, helping place
the calm white walls
the soft-spoken cotton-attired nurses
where i will lie in a bed
to be poked and prodded and tested
until they discover what's wrong with me..

..15 minutes after my last breath.

From the set "The changing of the masks":

-tidal-

Push, pull.
The moon taps at your shoulder
wanting its power back
as you
push, pull
at people, at their hearts.

Pull them to you
give them love
push them away.
Pull them to you
tell them stories
push them away.

No bonds.
that's too dangerous
if they bond, they hurt
push, pull.
No dreams anymore.
that's too crazy
push, pull.

Do you like this power? Wanna try hurting the tides, too?


-3am wave-

Full hearts
lend love to those who ache;
who crave
the tender touch
that renders you stationary
as the powers of true love only can.

gentle fingers, brushing
grateful hearts, rushing
tide of love, crying
to be free.


-your answer lies here-

I have walked through fire for you
i have spent countless hours being there
i know you inside and out
i have heard you analyse situations, people
and i know that in your mind
you are analysing this one, too
as you did before.

we both have our masks
maybe yours is better than mine
but i am doing better now.

i never played games or told lies
i am simply trying to exist, be less confused in life
moving on, moving upwards
it's a struggle, but i'm making it
we needed each other so much in the past
and maybe i still need you now
(maybe more than ever)

you taught me so much, which has helped me grow
and i am so different to how you last knew me
this flower is now tall and strong.

there may still be need there
but i am too scared of getting burned again.
i cannot walk through fire again for you
without putting my shields on
it's been so long, you are so far away
so if you want this, let's start over
but don't expect too much.


-let go-

Risk
broken
goddess
in the backseat of a civic
through the lense
black
target
giving way for him to let go
christmas
heat
lust
selective guests for viewing
jaded
discarded
confused
lost in the darkness of thought.

From the set "A day in her shoes":

-In my shoes-

If you can't be best
if you can't be better than her
why try
push it all away
and live in your own world
cause in this world
you can still live in sunlight

now you know what it's like
to be 2nd best
now you know how it feels
to be left in the dark
now you know what it's like
to force a brave face
because you have been in my situation
you have lived a day in my shoes.

Now you can be strong.


-Survival-

I saved many spiders today.
squirming in the water
grasping at leaves for a chance
to stay alive
in our heavily-chlorinated pool.

one baby spider
failed to quite get there
my hands, cupped
lifted him up
to the side, where he was safe.
then he bit me.

angry, i ran my hand through the water
it didn't hurt, it wasn't much
but i was trying to help him, and he hurt me.

then it hit me.
we're all the same.


-Lost-

I plunge into the cool intensity
that is water
and i start to swim
against the current, not with it
it gets deeper
i push harder, struggling
against the force of so much power
my legs give up, they ache for land
i swallow the water, my arms giving in
as i drift, sinking
surrendering
you are running along the bank
you dive
i am pulled
like fresh fish
from the water
my pulse is there
my skin is cold, breath flows
but i am dead inside.


-Stop!-

Tell the sun to stop shining with its smug heat
tell the stars not to sparkle; they don't have to try
tell the tides not to rise and fall

tell the birds to stop singing their sweet song
tell the dogs not to bark
tell the world to forget it all.

Let time stop for me
so i can run without being seen
let the rivers freeze
so i can cross them quick; run away
let it all crumble down on its knees
cause i don't want the hurt anymore.

"Damn you for being all i ever wanted."


-Liquid girl-

Suck it.
Suck it all up.
I don't want this pool of dignity
on my floor as your evidence anymore.


-Lord-

Sometimes
i feel like screaming:
"God! Yes, you, up there ruling everything.
Fuck you're a wanker sometimes."
But i never do.
(I guess i'm too scared of lightning striking).
Golly gosh, such blasphemy.
"Sorry. Love you. Thanks and all that,
but you did a crappy job on me."

From the set "None of you":

-Losing the girl-

Dark winds
swirl in and out, taking
all the memories
all the hatred from me.

I never thought i could hate
i never thought
i would want to lose something

but

i want you gone.

all memories
all encounters
just make me angry
at the way you live
the way you over-react
and dramatise
everything.

I am not awkward
seeing you around
i am not lost
i am happy with this darkness
closing in on me
because it hides it all
it closes in, to take away
all the destroying elements.

twist, turn
freely take it all
as i want it gone.

i want you gone.


-None of you (in me)-

I have
no regrets
and you give
no upsets
i am fighting
all you left
in me.

I use
no obscenities
i notice
no false entities
when i live this life
this one
without you.

So i'll go
and be everything
more than you'll ever know
and if anger wells up
it will never flow
i will never let it show
there is none of you
in me.

From the set "Simulated Love":

-Giving way Pt. 2-

Risk (God, this one is big)
broken (i am so sick of crying)
goddess (even you can't help me)
(not exactly where i wanna be)
through the lense (everything examined)
black (where has my light gone?)
target (i am chasing you)
giving way for him to let go (won't you let me go?)
christmas (the end seems so far)
heat (under our collars)
lust (i cannot release it)
selective guests for viewing (my inner sorrow)
jaded ("do you know my spark is?")
discarded (like old, worn socks)
confused (about everything)
lost in the darkness of thought. (join me)


-Program me-

Though it's there
everyday for me
it's only programmed;
simulated love.

How i desire
to make it real
but not hurt her
i must remain unhappy.

How i long to be with you.


-Let you go-

I let you go
i said goodbye
let all your hurt
escape me
my hair like tendrils
slipping through fingers
messied in sweat
bruised feet
beat unearthed
heart awakened.

I am free.
I am no longer afraid.
I can be
the
girl
i feel inside.


Jammed Summer

Crushing bodies
collapsing into arms
dreamily swaying
to stop the tears
friendships strengthened
friendships weakened
while bruised feet
dance in time.

Head upwards, gasping
heart doubled, rushing
bad memories, flashing
salty tears, falling
legs and arms, dripping
with independence.


-K-A-T-

I forgive you
all your sorrows
your transgressions
i don't mind
your faults
i've seen it in you
in your eyes
that ambition
unfailing faith
in this pre-decided fairytale destiny.

dreamer girl
keep spinning that golden web
all your dreams will be reality
if you believe in yourself enough.

You
will
touch
the
stars.


-Made safe-

Silence
as thick and heavy
as wet clothes on your back
you're crawling out of the water
that has been drowning you.

dragging your stomach through the mud
dirt caked beneath fingernails
you're sliding out of the deep
that has been choking you, holding you down.

up onto hands and knees, now
slipping, tripping onto feet
stumbling, staggering through weeds, reeds
flesh torn by passing thorns
hair muddy and messied
eyes blurry with water
running

sunlight flashes
reaching out through tree spaces
feet cut, hands torn
running
you fall
form blurred in movement
onto hard, yet soft grass
to lie on your back
breathing, panting
staring up at the tree-clear sky
now in the sun again.

Now we can heal.

From the set "Human life-changers":

-Tim-

In all honesty, i was
close to breaking
scared of reaching out
to yet another
who'd only crush me.

i could see much deeper into you
i could see much more into that face

it was harder
than i thought it would be
and it hurt to say those words
(i almost cried)
but i'm making it.

We're making it.



-Jeeves-

Please forgive me
if i have burdened you
in any way
by telling you
words i've long been wanting to say.

Thankyou, friend
for accepting my truths
and telling no lies.
Thankyou for understanding
my life's confusions
and standing by me until the end.

Please forgive me, Jeeves
for underestimating you
and taking you for granted.

Thankyou
i am honoured
to call you friend.