-TALK TO ME-

Am i losing something?
or gaining something?
It seems like i'm on a boat
headed for the bermuda triangle; to never return.
Of course, i have no clue where i am.
I've seemed to have lost my map.
Yet, i don't even know if that
would have given me much guidance.

Torn between wanting to cry and wanting to laugh
i sit here and do nothing
but paint my daily smile
upon my face
before i leave the house
(if i don't trip over the step).

Silly wishes and happy fantasies
plays i act; playing all characters
sometimes i feel
like i live in my own dreams
and they're all i've got
to keep going on
some days, i find it such a struggle
to get out of bed
not just physical fatigue,
but such mental and emotional strain.

Do i feel hurt? yes
do i feel cheated? yes
how i wish i could change the situation.

Oh, God. She has no clue how this hurts.
And yet, i'll never have a clue
of how to tell her
Ha, she was so right about me.
Down to the last detail.
But how could i have said it was true when it was so...
I think my image is slipping, dear
I don't have the strength to keep it up anymore
How much longer do i have to cry?
my tear ducts must be like the sahara by now.

Because everyday she seems further
and everyday it feels harder
and even though she's what i live for
it'd probably kill her to say so

doesn't she realise losing her
would be the end of my world?
why live if i don't have her in my life,
pumping the blood into my veins; keeping me going
Yet why cry when she hasn't a clue how i feel
how i think.. i'm losing her.
and i'll lose my battle with loneliness.

-TIMING IS EVERYTHING-- For Mike

A freight train chugs down the line
and hits me; sending me spiralling backwards
i stop to think as i watch it pass

You drop this bombshell on me now
why not a year ago?
when i felt the same..

maybe i still do now.
but you love renee. and how could i ask you to leave her for me.
when i'm nothing compared to..

would it have worked, anyway?
would i have had the strength?
i think this year has been one of the best i've ever had
and you're one reason it's been so magical

your friendship i wouldn't trade for anything
and your humour i wouldn't give up for the world
so know that i love you.
because i do love you.
and i think
i always
will.

-JUST IN TIME-

You caught me
just in time
I'm about to drown, you know
drown in my own blood

bleeding from the gash you've made in my upper abdomen
where i think my heart used to be
though i'm not quite sure anymore
'cause i can't feel
too many arrows shooting at me from all directions.

Go away. Leave. God, i need to figure out everything i'm feeling.

Just leave me here in my blood pool.

-UNTIL YOU-- For Lis

I never knew love
until you loved me
i never knew how to fly
until you taught me
i never knew life
until you showed me
life didn't start until you.

I never knew hope
until you found me
i never knew light
until you picked me up
i never knew trust
until you gave me
your secrets, thoughts and dreams.

And i know
in my heart
that this friendship will last all time
cause my love
for your beauty
won't go away; can't go away
cause every moment with you
and every word
that you say
brings light into my little world.

I never knew faith
until you believed in me
i never knew beauty
until i saw you smile
I never knew love
until you loved me
and without you my light would die out.