CRASH LANDING
You seem to understand me.
So completely.
Delving into murky pools.
twisting my ambitions
into something real.
And after this final
fundamental crawl
and i drag my sore body up
to my feet
shielding my eyes
from light; from all i fear..
i walk.
Slowly, but steadily,
using all my strength
flickers of light
caressing my face
reaching out to touch
between the trees
heavy steps
pulling up years of foundations
tugging my feet
from mud
like chocolate fudge
not set.
i know you're here.
somewhere.
pushing through bush
nature sings around me
i do not notice it.
pulling wet twigs, hair from my face
clearing my salt-watered eyes
struggling through the vines
no path to follow, nothing to trace.
I stop, breathing hard
Am i pushing too far?
turning to catch the light
looking for signs that i have passed through.
none.
no-one knows i've been here
no-one's seen me pass.
Where to, now?
What will become of me?
I feel you here
somewhere
but where are you now?
VICTIM pT. 2
I am not angry.
yet I have been held underwater
so damn long.
But.
You can't silence me anymore.
You reach out into my dreams
into my head
you play around in there
leaving a shell
easily broken, paper-thin.
But.
You can't silence me anymore.
I've hidden this away
surviving 5 years
mask up, always.
But.
You can't silence me anymore.
I am standing here
staring you in the eye
fists clenched, jaw set
ready for anything.
I am screaming this out
my throat hoarse
my eyes telling all
i am breaking free.
I am a survivor.
I am not your victim anymore.
this is the end of my silence.
this is my story.
So listen up.
COST
Please remember me
When you think of all you've lost
When you consider all the costs
That life takes.
Please remember hope
When you consider all I've survived
When you see that I'm alive
Being who I want to be.
And I will shout this now
I wanna hear my own voice
I am breaking my silence
I am making this choice
I will scream this out
Bring down all the walls
The shame is not mine,
But yours.
Please think of the way
I live my life today
See the sorrows that are being lifted
Float above your head
Please smile if you see
The girl you know is truly me
I've been hiding
I'm not hiding her anymore.
And I will shout this now
I wanna hear my own voice
I am breaking my silence
I am making this choice
I will scream this out
Bring down all the walls
The shame was never mine,
But yours.
UNICORNS
A song dedicated to Davinia Ellen Riverton (nee Hunter).
Honestly, i think
if you could see me now
you would be proud of
who i'm trying to be
Honestly, i feel
caught in these emotions
not quite sure which way to go
each path is without you
I'll take all my chances
i'll take risks, and make mistakes
still knowing that you'll be there
if my heart breaks
i can feel you here..
Honestly, i know
though i feel, alone without you
you have not gone..
you're, here in me
in who you've helped me to be
you and your unicorns..
if you could see me now..
if you could see me now..
honestly, i think..
..you'd smile.
4AM
I miss you, Davinia. So much.
Where are you now?
I wake
in a sweat
in a heap
of blankets and pillows
struggling to get out,
get away from contact.
You were so close.
It was too real.
Where are you now?
Do you still feel?
Comforted
relieved
by the cold air around me
i sit down,
well fall down
on the floor.
I catch my breath.
You were so close.
It was too real.
Where are you now?
Do you still feel?
How do i stop these dreams of you?
What can i do to stop these images?
Why did you have to leave me
now of all times
when i need you most.
when we need you most.
i pick up
one unicorn
from the box.
one of your unicorns.
it's plastic,
it's tacky,
but it was yours.
and you loved it so much.
I hold it to me.
I let my tears roll down its mane.
and i cry
like i've never cried
like somehow
if i cry enough tears
you'll come back to me.
How do i hope to go on without you?
"..the bones they buried
will feed the trees
but every word you spoke
is still in me.."
-Heather Nova, "Walking Higher".
LEAP
She thought she knew
all the answers.
She thought she understood
what he was all about.
He took her to the bridge
an arm around her shoulders
"try this," he said,
as he handed her the bottle.
And she drank.
And she jumped.
And he drove away.
WITH THE MAN
I have seen
too many girls
like you.
Bleeding and bruised
broken, confused
but "in love"
with the man.
But he not only
scars your face
and gives you disgrace
but every night
between the sheets
turns your security
your happiness
your self-worth
into a smaller
pile
of dust
on the floor.
LETTER
9 pages
of tear-stained,
ink-smeared
heart-pouring.
9 pages
where i confess
my deepest
shame.
9 pages
written and re-written
a hundred times.
9 pages
of emotion
from 1
til 4am.
those
9 pages
you'll discard.
Like you did with me.
9-3-01
Out of the night that covers me
i threw my cares off of the roof; into the wind
can't you forgive me for feeling this?
i wasn't sure of my
feelings
until Thursday.
(Thursday, yes the movie scene)
But it's serious
it's strong
and it runs
so much deeper
than i thought : than you'll ever know.
Forgive me
for ruining
your plans.
I just wanted a chance to be happy.