-Guinea Pig-

I thought i was ready to see you moved on
i was wrong
i was so wrong.

i must confess
that even though i thought
it was so goddamn easy
i'll never stop loving you.

was there a shotgun to your back
when you told me you'd always love me?
was there a knife to your throat
when you said i was the one for you?

when you said i was wonderful
beautiful
and the person who restored your faith in humanity
the person you were waiting for..
were you just testing the waters
before you told them to the one
who was not so confused
used
abused;
whose ears deserved to be told?

-Flying-

Where is the ground?
my feet no longer touch
the earth below
yet yearn for the sky
i am flying
on a gust of hot, fearless air
as i spiral upwards
away from you
yet with you
you feel so far away
i need you to hold me
so close
and tell me of all your wildest dreams
so we can share
them together.

-Flatline-

The line is torn
and silence is all around us
neither of us is trying to repair it.
Undoubtedly
you will read between the lines
and sense this dark feeling i have in my stomach.
Too much has been lost; hurt
and not a lot found.
Why did we have to go this way?
Who will take the step?
Yes, this one is yours
so don't ask
just decide whether you want me to be honest or not.
Be honest to yourself, too.

-Alien-

I don't belong here.
I may come here every day
and sit here with them
and try to stay afloat
but i am not one of them.
i refuse to be.
I don't belong here.

-Never yours-

Is it wrong to admit
that i love the fact
that i cry over you?
no guy has lead me this far to the edge of despair before
(without knowing)
and all because
you don't love me.
I need to wise up
grow up
ship and shape up
and see what's dancing before my eyes:
a big fat "NO".

-Your first step-

Expensive trust
held in a youthful gaze
when taking one's first step,
tread lightly.

I am still nervous
but my hands are steady
and i do trust you.
Will you believe
in the power of mutual love?

What is life without risks
(after all, all we have is now)

i write the words
for the one in the self-locked cage
the lock cannot be picked
and there is only one key

What is life without risks
(after all, all we have is now)

i take this moment now
to leave
but before i go
to touch your face..

There is no rhythm
nor structure
to this prose
just thoughts of you.

Pointless dreaming.

-Invisible lust-

I feel so suddenly sick
and my stomach hurts
my throat is choked
and my heart is wrapped in barb-wire

pull me out
pull me up
I'm lost in this love

is it right to hate her?
Is it right to feel so discarded?
I can't help but want to be her
when I know
so
so
deep
in
my
heart
that he secretly hates me

I think I'll leave him today
why talk when he's not listening
and though it will break me to lose him
it's probably for the best.

-Co-dependant-

They say
i'm neurotic
that we're co-dependant
that we should end it
i disagree

they say
that i'm losing it
that you're abusing it
it can't go very well

(but i)
i dream of better things
(i)
i dream of angels with beautiful golden wings
(you)
you say everything will be fine

And again we walk away.

-The Dance-

Caught between a sentence and silence
a hand lingers in the air
don't think, just feel
words are flowing out
and in vain i try to catch them
breathe deep,
don't weep
catch his eye again.

Placing trust in gentle hands
beauty unconditional, yet unexplained
don't think, just feel
twirling satin with locked eyes
the gaze cannot be shaken
breathe deep,
don't weep
just dance in his eyes.