KEEP ON SEARCHING

i think you knew all along.
why did you hide?
why do you cry?

distant hug
in the same space.

i let me
it was all me
i let me fall in love with you.
do you understand now?

HAVOC

Some days
he is all that is important.
i mix the names
is it the assonance?

or is it the memory?

i want to break down this wall.
i want to blame you.

MISSED

I am secretly
(very deep down inside)
delighted
at your enthusiasm.

it was my fault, really
half the time
i don't even know
if i'm happy or sad.

is there an in-between?

bit by bit i'm coming back
up the rope

do i mean that much to you?

every part of me screams
to be the subject
of your stories.

unravel them around me
loop by loop
slowly.

You still make me cry.

SCARLET DRESS

Her scarlet dress
falls just right
hiding her scars
hiding her secrets

she claws at herself
she's desperate to be held.

her dreams are shattering
and she can't pick up
all the pieces at once

she needs him now
more than ever
just to show he cares.

even if she knows already.

he is blind.

i am sadder
than i care
to show
today.

ECHO

Ghosts in the void
in my head
i hear them screaming.

every dark shape
flies fear up my throat

light is golden
my mind is cleared
my heart is scared.

MANUAL

In case of emergency,
break
into a run.

forsake him
(for the sake of belated lent)
and let your only indulgence
be repose.

No deep longing lust allowed.

In case of emergency,
break
down.

CONVEXITY

She licks her cherry lips
trying to savour the taste of his words
the magic of the moment
the sweet, sweet moment.

embossed
in sucrose.

"are you okay?"
he asks again.

"Baby,
i'm not even close."

DOLLA

Give me a price.

I'll pay it.

Just to feel right
normal
natural
again.

CONVICTED BY TRIAL (AND ERROR?)

Why
do
i
feel
guilty

two
more
nails
in
my
head

My mind may leave tonight
and never return.

VACUUM

I'm dry.
I've had all those fantastic words
metaphors
similes
and lyrical prose
sucked out.

I've spent so much time
trying to write
trying to get everything out
to stop feeling so clogged.

Replace cap after use.

CLOT

She scrubs away
at her hands;
sending the blood
from under her fingernails
down into the
silver
h
o
l
e.

How did it get so messy?
her eyes can't hide the truth anymore
it's aching
fighting
to get out.

One more firebell
and they'll stop believing you, princess.
one more alarm
and you'll bleed for real.

RAGUBI

Run
ruckus
pass
ruckus
raucus?
ruckus
tackle
ruckus
scrum
ruckus
ruckus
ruckus
Pieter van Zyl???

UNPHAIR

i'm
in a relationship
i'm making love
it's .great.

but there's
no chance
of
fuck and run.

"even when i was 17.."

CARRY THE TUNE

No matter what i try to do
i am solitary
i am a nomad
i am wanting silence
and space
for the music to float through.

I am hoping for the light to shine
I am hoping for strength
freedom
from myself.

To be free to embrace the pleasure
there is in living.

I am asking God.
I am wanting a miracle.

TITAN A.D

If mourning is a sickness
is this a relapse?

it's just a movie.
a damn cartoon.

why did she love this damn cartoon?

it makes me sad.
i lament like before.

i was hoping this wouldn't happen again.

KOHL

My eyeliner smudges
like a turquoise waterfall
down my bags: shadowed
clues of
sleep-deprivation

Napoleon's essence
in a stick.

It's supposed to last all day.

HER OCEANS

I wonder on a rainy day
if i could swim in the sunken bunker
that is our driveway.

It's been raining
out of my eyes
a long time now.